on chasing the Reverend

Aww times are hard, wet and boring – most of the time. The restaurant is too slow to be any fun, money is low and tourists, well after a good two weeks, now there are only ncv’s around ( no commercial value (s)- in expat speak).

But there is a big reservation in the near future, Duck as a main dish, we decide. See, the Reverend and Tammy Sue, my big black duck couple had a falling out. -That was after she managed to miscarry 20 (!) eggs and would have no more of him….

 First she moved to the neighbors, then she vanished (probably eaten by abovementioned neighbors), the reverend, moved to some other neighbors, after being bored and lonely, I guess. There he started a gay relationship with their mallard, but the neighbors there decided ‘no good would come of this’ (they are Christians converted recently by the rather rabid missionaries,) so they ate their mallard and mine was lonesome again. So I took him back – and that is when the Reverend lost the plot: het started biting everyone and was as mean as a duck can be.  The Reverend is one of those big ugly black walking ducks. They hiss and are big and waddle right onto their target or that failing they lay in wait and then bite…

 So, the Reverend had to go- the meat will need quite a while to get tender and then some and then I will need a recipe for wild duck if I do not want my customers to bite out their teeth….

 Now, one can say a lot of bad things about the Reverend – and Tammy Sue sure would agree and then add some too, but, stupid he ain’’t.

So when Bongserrei, my assistant came and we went for him, he kinda got the point and hid under the house. We yelled, jumped on the wooden floor, yelled some more, to no avail. Crawled under the house- and I swear I heard the little monster laugh at us! Then we decided to use the fishing rods to chase him out. Bongserrei took her short one and I found a very long hard tipped deep sea rod that I bought on sale in pp a while ago, (why I did so then, I do not know). And it worked: slowly the Reverend was forced to emerge.

Aww! this is fun the bulldogs said and as soon as the beast emerged, the bullies chased him back, and on and on it went.

..And for once it is a hot day hereabouts: we sweat, are muddy- and not happy at all, actually we are angry. After about two hours of this, somehow the bullies and we converge and the Reverend finally comes out from under the house. - And vanishes again under the house. By now the bullies have gotten the point and chase him out! Bongserrei is about as angry as I have ever seen her While I was stuck- or better said the fishing rod was stuck under the house at the front and at the back in the banana plants…she has changed weapons...

 When I finally  wise up enough to just drop the  rod, I find that Bongserrei is  braining the beast with a very big pierce of bamboo, and so, the Reverend keels over….dead out cold. Choi! She says: he deserved that… The bullies and the little sharpey are grinning, as in: we helped, right? how much do we get??? And me, aw well I am  just feeling me age…

 When we clean the beast, I am stunned; the Reverend qualifies as a small turkey….

May all the saints of the culinary arts of all cultures be with us cooking that one...